I'm not saying I'm better than you, but I hate everyone.
last night my father said “good night mario” because i had been driving him around today and apparently going too fast, like the car racer mario andretti
but i didn’t know what he was talking about so i just sleepily replied “good night luigi”
please. stop praying for my grandpa!!!! you are making him too strong. he broke out of the hospital and the cops cant get him. he’s too powerful
the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bag despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life